He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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