one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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