remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
