my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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