I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
