Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Randomize
