it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
