I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also, beer. Big fan.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
