Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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