Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
how drunk are you?
Several
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
