I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you inspire me to be a worse person
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
