Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
