If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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