it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
