there was a trapeze. enough said
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize