Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
