Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
