Porn is love you can see.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
