Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
