Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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