my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I believe in your delicious
You've changed since you got that strap on
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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