I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
