I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
