my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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