i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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