one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
