we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
