We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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