I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
