Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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