genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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