Will you blow on my dice?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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