the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just tell him i said nine months
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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