I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My ATM looks so different sober.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He shit in the fireplace
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
