my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
