I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
