I got chris browned last night
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
