the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
