He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
