this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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