I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize