Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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