i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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