She is in my trunk
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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