Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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