he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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