that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
