How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
