Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
