i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
