I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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