i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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