its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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