I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
