I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
