can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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