there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
