Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
