i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
They took my balls.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
