Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
