I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
