She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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