i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
