hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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