Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
