the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
