If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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