best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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