So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
